Doing the one thing I feared the most, in front of an entire audience. Putting myself out there after being hurt. Telling him I loved him for the first time. These are the vulnerable moments that make us who we are.

In her Ted Talk by the title of The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown shares her research on the topic of vulnerability and those who choose to embrace it as opposed to run from it.

During this research, Brené discovered two main secrets.

1. Open Doors

When people embrace vulnerability they will find doors of opportunity at every turn. The one thing that keeps us from trying new things, taking risks, or following our dream is fear. Fear of failure, not being enough, looking like a fool. In short, fear of being vulnerable.

If we instead would grab ahold of this uncomfortable feeling and use it to guide us toward a life filled with new and exciting adventures, we would be completely transformed.

2. You Can’t Just Numb Fear

Our generation is the most addicted, obese, and medicated group of people in all of history. We go to any lengths necessary to numb these feelings of fear, rejection, and vulnerability. The problem is that when you numb your emotions you numb them all.

In our efforts to remove the feeling of vulnerability, we’ve removed all the joy, self-pride, and courage that life has to offer.

 

I can speak for myself that vulnerability has been one of the most influential tools in creating who I am today.

As a child my greatest fear was math. I dreaded the thought to such a degree that it would almost make me sick. At the age of 12, I decided that I would kill this fear once and for all by preforming a verbal, on the spot math test before an audience. This was by far one of the most embarrassing and frightening moments of my childhood. Yet, through this experience, I learned that failures are the greatest opportunities to grow and that allowing myself to look like a fool for the pursuit of self-improvement is actually a win.

At the age of nine, I was told by a very influential adult figure that I should never sing in public. This broke my soul and paralyzed me from singing for many years. One day it hit me that I didn’t sing for other people, I sang for myself. Being vulnerable was worth it for me because I loved singing regardless of whether anyone else enjoyed it.

Love can be a frightening experience, especially when you’re young and it’s your first time. I remember being scared to death the first time I said those three little words, yet I still did it. Looking back now I can see that putting myself out there and saying exactly what I felt may not have resulted in a happily ever after but I did discover that being me was more important than any other person’s opinion of me.

These are the kinds of moments that make us who we are. Vulnerability is a gift that comes to us in the form of thorns, yet hold the most beautiful roses that life can offer.

It’s Christmas time and you find yourself in the mall when a booth salesman approaches you.

“Do I have a deal for you,” he says, then proceeds to deliver his spill. Let me know which of these two pitches would convince you to buy his product.

We sell the top of the market hair brushes. They can de-tangle and remove dead strands, and they work for wet and dry hair. Want to buy one?

or

You know that feeling you get when you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I look good”? This is the self-confidence that we strive to produce for our customers. We do so through our products that can de-tangle and remove dead strands, and they work for wet and dry hair. Our self-confidence boosting products are top of the market hair brushes. Want to buy one?

How Great Leaders Lead

In his TED Talk How Great Leaders Inspire Action, Simon Sinek presents the key to sharing one’s ideas in such a way that others not only understand but can relate to and take on as their own.

What is this secret? The Golden circle.

 

In the example above the first pitch is the process of working one’s way from the outside of the golden circle inward. This is how most companies and individuals market their products and themselves. They start with the What, then move to the How. Very few companies can tell you the Why behind what they do, which leaves their audience uninspired and unconnected.

The second example shows a pitch working from the inside outward. It starts with a mission allowing you as the customer to relate to and join their cause. They then explain how this goal can become a reality and finally deliver the product as the solution. The idea is not to sell the person on the product but instead to recruit them for your team. Because as Simon states in his speech:

“People don’t buy what you do, they but why you do it.”

People want to be identified with a cause or product that aligns with their beliefs. When you share your why, it allows others to take this mission and make it their own.

A perfect example of this was the Civil Rights movement. On August 28, 1963, two thousand five hundred people showed up to hear a single man. This man did not speak on the opposition between black and white. He did not present a plan as to how politics or force could bring power for change. He simply shared his personal beliefs and dreams. This dream is what brought such a large gathering together. No one came to see King; they came because they identified with his Why. This Why is what inspired a movement and united people from all racial backgrounds.

A more modern-day example of this would be the well-known and beloved company, Apple. This company has no secret advantage over their competitors. They have the same means of producing income, products, and advancements in technology. The only thing that sets them apart is that they have a mission. Apple is not simply a commuter company, they are an industry that defies the limits pushes the boundaries and dares to dream big. Talk to any loyal Apple owner and they will tell you that these are the exact things that they themselves strive to do through the products they buy. It’s not simply a commuter, it’s a mindset.

How about a smaller scale example. Chick-Fil-A makes outstanding chicken sandwiches but their mission is to provide the highest level of customer service in the fast-food industry. If you hear someone say “my pleasure” the first question that pops into your mind is whether they work at Chick-Fil-A. Search the web for memes, videos, and reviews on this company and you will see that their customer service is their mission. Having this Why behind their product attracts customers who appreciate this service and workers who wish to be identified with this reputation. Even when the beliefes of this company are tested and challenged by opposing ideas and opinions (Chick-Fil-A gives protestors free chicken sandwiches and drinks), the mission that they hold stands firm. This is what separates Chick-Fil-A from its competitors.

Personal Application

Martin Luther King’s Why was a dream of his children growing up in a world where the color of their skin mattered less then their charater and the contents of thier hearts. His How was a peacfull Civil Rights movement, and his What was freedom and equality for all.

Apple’s Why is the challenging of modern day technology that turnes ideas into reality. Thier How is the creatinon of cutting edge products that are easy to use, and thier What are computers.

Chick-Fil-A’s Why is a welcomeing atmosphere that values their cutomers and inspires their emploees to serve. Their How is outstanding customer service, and their What are chicken sandwiches.

If Martin Luther King, Apple, and Chick-Fil-A can use this technique then so can you. This is not simply a tool for big shots. It’s a way of looking at all of life.

Why do you have the job you do? Why do you go to the school you do? Why do you believe as you do? Why do you think that the dreams you have are worth anyone’s time?

If you can answer these questions then you can convince others to take on your cause.

So next time you are explaining an idea to a coworker, telling a stranger what you do for a living, or sharing your beliefs with a friend, try explaining why you hold to these ideas. Before you know it, you might just be leading a movement of people who share the same mission, simply because you showed it to them.

 

Want to see some personal examples of this concept? Check out these three blogs on why I do what I do.

The Reason I Chose To Work With Children Every Day

The Reason I Am Passionate About Nuts, Bolts, And Hay

The Reason I Chose Not To Go To College

A person can determine your attitude from across the room, read your mind by your facial expressions, and come to a personal opinion of you within seven seconds. The power of nonverbal communication is one that when understood and wield in the right manner, can make the difference between success and failure.

In her Ted Talk titled “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are”, Amy Cuddy explains the significants body language can have on not only how others perceive you, but perhaps more importantly, how you perceive yourself.

Through several studies, Amy has proven that how one percent themselves influences their feelings, thoughts, and physiology.

In one such study, volunteers were split into two separate groups. The first group stood for two minutes in a confident, dominate pose while the other group stood in a more hidden and protective pose. The results were outstanding. The confidently posed group’s testosterone levels (the confident hormone) increased by 20% while their cortisol levels (the stress hormone) decreased by 10%. The hidden group’s testosterone levels decreased by 25%, while their cortisol levels increased by 15%. All of this in only 2 minutes.

Amy has performed simulator studies in both classrooms with students and in the work field observing interview processes. The results were the same in each atmosphere. Those who were more successful and rose to positions of leadership were those who presented themselves with confident body language.

I can personally attest to this being true.

In High School my sister and I got a wild hair to try debate. We had no coach, no experience, no idea how to run a case, and only two weeks to prepare. Our game plan was to fake it until we made it. Short and simple.

We both walked into that compaction room, with our (cough, empty) briefcases and files, like we were that years’ debate champions. By the end of the tournament, we had no trophies to boast, but we defiantly had learned a lot. The real surprise was that no one thought that this was our first time debating. We even got compliments on our confidence and cool approach to speaking, which must have been acquired over many years.

With these facts and my testimony, you might just be wondering what this body language looks like and how you can apply it to your everyday life.

The truth is that there are no cement rules to body language, simple guidelines. If you wish to appear confident then open yourself up. The willingness to take chances is the outcome of confidence and therefore appearing as if you are putting yourself out there for any situation that may come will show your eagerness to face that next challenge, even if inside you’re scared to death. The opposite is also true. If you pose in a hidden and protective position you will appear unconfined and timid, signaling that you are unprepared for any obstacle or opportunity that presents itself.

Examples of these positions would be the “winners” pose; arms out and above your head with chin slightly lifted; or the “pout”; arms crossed and head or eyes downcast.

 

Next time you are going into a test, interview, or experiencing a stressful day at work, try slipping away for a few moments to make a “winners” pose in the bathroom stalls. As a result of this forced body language signal, you will be better prepared to have that confidence and show it through your nonverbal communication. You might just find out that you can say a lot to others and yourself without saying a thing.

As the saying goes “An ounce of action is worth more than a ton of theory.” People are extremely good at complaining but are lacking in the department of solving these dilemmas.

In her Ted Talk titled Before I die, Candy Chang shares her experience and story of how she turned a difficult time in her life into a blessing for others.

After losing a dear friend who was like a mother to her, Candy found herself examining her own life and the time she had here on this earth.

We can each look at our own lives and see this same value, yet we just a quickly lose it in the chaos of life. This is the dilemma Candy chose to solve in her community. By taking the side of an old abandoned building and turning it into an enormous chalkboard, this woman gave people a safe place to share their thoughts, ambitions, and even fears. On this wall the words Before I Die I Want To.., were written with spaces for others to fill in their answers. Within a single day, the entire wall was filled.

Something that was once an eyesore, probably the source of many people’s complaints, suddenly became a place of unity and beauty. All because one person saw a need and provided a solution.

We only have so much time here on earth to impact the lives of those around us. Why would we waste a single moment focusing on the ugly instead of bringing beauty?

Before I Die I Want To…

I don’t know what your answer may be to the above question. Perhaps you’d say to love someone with all your heart. Maybe you want to be someone’s hero. Perhaps you simply want to fulfill a childhood dream. Regardless of what your answer may be, I would have two follow up questions.

#1. How can you use those aberrations to impact the lives of others beyond yourself? 

2# Why are you not doing so?

Before I die I want to impact this world in such a way that when I leave, it is a better place to live simply because I was once apart of it. Change like this will never come about as a result of complaining about the wrongs in life. There will always be evil in the world. The good news is that also means that there will always be opportunists to make a difference, but only for those who choose to seize the moment.

Will you be the ton of theory that weighs the world down or the ounce of action that leads to a title wave of change?

Many people would title my education as “Unschooling”. As a home school student, I have had the opportunity to explore topics and areas of life that would never show up on a graded test.

The only reason I learned how to read was to gain knowledge through books on topics I enjoyed. The only reason I studied math was to enable me to create the things I was interested in. And the only reason I learned to write was to share these amazing treasures with the world. Growing up, there were no tests because life is the test.

My mother, being the pure genius that she is, taught me how to read and then led me to her vast library of books and told me to learn. When I would come to a problem or a question throughout my pursuit, she was always there to help, but the journey was mine to navigate.

As a result of this, each of my sibling’s education looks vastly different than the others. My brother is a wiz when it comes to math and has a love for agriculture and wildlife development. My sister lives and breaths to capture beauty and has started her own photography business at the age of 15. And I have poured my heart and soul into the love of self-expression through the arts and the use of written and spoken words.

As stated in his TED talk by the title of Do Schools kill Creativity, Sir Ken Robinson makes the statement that “ It is education that is meant to lead us into this future that we cannot yet grasp.”

The thing about the future is that no one knows what it holds. We can make our best guess, and yes the actions we perform today have a great impact on tomorrow, but we still know nothing of what the future will hold. Yet, we educate our children as if the future will never change. As if all they will need to know are the same skills needed during the Industrial Revolution when education was created solely to enable one to get a job. The reality of today is that a degree will not guarantee you a place in the work field as it once did.

Ken Robinson observes that the education system begins by teaching children from the waist up, then focuses on their heads, and finally leans solely to one side. It is this form of learning that is educating children out of creativity. “By the time children become adults they have had [creativity] beaten out of them as schools, and later on business graft in their minds that mistakes are the worst things they can make.”

As Picasso once said, “All children are born artists, the problem is to remain an artist as you grow up.”

What if instead of structuring our schools on the mindset of funneling students into college and producing university professors, we instead gave children the necessary tools to gain knowledge and then allowed them to nurture their God-given dreams, interests, and talents. If my mother would have forced me to learn the same way my brother did I would not only have failed when measured up to him, but I also would have lost the wonder and splendor of sharing my hopes, dreams, and ambitions with the world.

No two children are the same, and yet we expect them all to learn the exact same way. I believe that it is time that we look at the system in which our children and grandchildren will be growing up in and compare it to the real world. After all, it matters little what grade you earned on a test, when life itself is the test.