Your Reality vs. Their Fantasy

In the selfie world that we live in, it can be all too easy to get caught up in the comparison game. Her hair is flawless, his job is perfect, their life is so much better than mine. With constant reminders of what other people’s lives supposedly look like, it’s no wonder so many of us feel as if our lives just don’t measure up. Here’s the thing though, their life aren’t real, or at least it’s not all there. You see when your friend on Instagram posts a picture of her new boyfriend, she’s not going to tell you about the fight they had last week or the heartbreaks she’s had in the past. Your buddy who has that sweet job isn’t going to Tweet about how overbearing his boss is or his insane hours. Social media post aren’t actual life. They’re the parts of life that we want others to see, with a filter to enhance the view. When we compare our reality to someone else’s fantasy we’re playing an unwinnable game.

Here’s a reality check for you. You’re not in a race with anyone around you. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone, you don’t have to measure up. In fact, you shouldn’t. The only person you should be racing against is the you that you could be. Allow me to explain.

There are two you’s. You, and then the you that you could have been if you would have chosen to do give 110%. Now in this race against yourself, there are two main rules. 1, comparing yourself to this other you is only allowed when it encourages you to become a better you. 2, there is no loser, only a winner.

If you compare yourself to this other you to the point that every accomplishment in your life becomes meaningless and your self worth is destroyed then you are playing the exact same reality vs. fantasy game only with yourself. When you do this it allows this other you to win, which means you actually lose. This race is meant to be a neck to neck nail biter with the other you just barely ahead. One thing about racing is that you always push yourself to run faster when your opponent is just within arms reach. If you focus on who you could be instead of on comparing your life to the fantasies of others, then you can become better instead of bitter.

So next time you see that perfect selfie, double click and then move on to your own reality and the race you have to run. Choose to see life through your own eyes and not a filter.

But first, let me take a selfie 😜

A big shout out to Praxis and their book Forward Tilt for the inspiration of today’s blog. Be sure to check out their program.

Self-Control and Knowledge

“The key to life is running and reading” – Will Smith

I’ll admit it, I’m not a morning person. I love sunrises, the feeling of a warm cup of coffee in my hands, and early morning radio talk, but getting out of bed is just not fun. The soft pillow that through the night has formed to the perfect shape around my head, the warm blankets wrapped around my body in a bear hug, and the strong and handsome man in my dream, all seem to beg me to stay confined to my bed. I’ve listened to many talks on how getting up early is more health, more productive, and if you’ve ever watched Tim Ferriss’s youtube video you know that to win the day you must first win the morning. I know all of this is true, but that doesn’t make waking up any easier. You see, I can love sunrises and I can know all the benefits of waking up before 6 am but in order to actually reap those benefits I have to have the self-control to say “No” to my body and that handsome man in my dreams. The key to waking up in the morning, or any activity that is less than enjoyable, is self-control.

When Will Smith says that one of the two keys to life is running, he is referring to the act of enforcing your will power to keep going even when your body says stop. If you desire to have a productive life where you are in control then you must exercise and strengthen your self-control. A person who is dictated by their circumstances can never make a difference or impact the world because they themselves are being controlled by the world. You want to win the day, win the morning. You want to win your life, win yourself.

Growing up, my mother (who was also my teacher), would start each day of class by asking us “Why are you here?” Together, each of my siblings would recite the answer we had been taught since as far back as we could remember. “To learn about the world, so we can make the world a better place.” These words have stayed with me into my adulthood and are still to this day the motivation for why I’m here.

Having self-control without gaining knowledge is like buying a stang and not knowing how to drive. You may look cool to everyone around you but you definitely won’t get anywhere. When my mother asked me why I was here, she was actually saying that being in the classroom with my pen and paper wasn’t enough, I had to actually learn something. Having the passion to change the world and the self-control to keep yourself on track isn’t enough, you actually have to gain the knowledge as to how you will go about changing the world. This is exactly why Will Smith says that reading is the second key to life. No matter what obstacle you may be facing, project you need to complete, or idea you need to understand, there is someone out there who has written a book that can help you. Why re-invent the wheel when you can learn from those who have already mastered it. There is a plentiful supply of knowledge out there for anyone who has a passion to learn. So don’t just sit in your stang, drive it.

Will Smith specifically said that running and reading are the keys to life. I believe that the true message behind this statement is not to just take up running and reading but that we should determine to implant in our lives activities that exercise and strengthen our self-control and understanding. Be that through waking up earlier, limiting our social media intake, or going on a daily run. Perhaps you will enroll in a class, ask those who have been in your place before or take the time to read a book. No matter how you go about obtaining these key life skills, the important thing is that you end each day with greater control of yourself and a greater understanding of the world.

For sale vs. Sold

As a dog breeder, I truly understand the cash value of cute. When selling my puppies though, the number one dilemma I face is not a lack of demand, it’s not the marketing technics of convincing people to buy, it’s not even the inward struggle to keep each and every adorable puppy (which is a real struggle to be sure). The number one dilemma I face is getting people to know that I even have puppies for sale. The difference between having something for sale and actually making money off that product depends entirely on one’s ability to make their product known.

No matter what market you may be in, there are 2 keys in being able to make a profit. 1, have a product. I know this one is kind of obvious, but it still needs to be mentioned. If I were to start advertising for a litter of pups before I found a sire for my female, then I would be putting the cart before the horse; or dog in this case. The information I could supply to my potential customers would be minuscule, to say the least. Without the ability to determine age, breeding records, color, or even gender, my chances of being able to satisfy any consumer would be near impossible. In the same way, if you have an amazing market and demand without a product to offer then you will end up with aggravated customers (who won’t come back) and no profit. To sell a puppy you must have a puppy.

2nd key; find your market and get them to notice you. I will admit, I can be a bit manipulative when it comes to this step. You see, I know that the way to an adult’s wallet is through their children. When I set up at a gig, rarely will I focus on drawing in adults, at least during the first few hours. I go straight for the cute pigtailed little girls. I know that if I can get that sweet little girl to fall in love with one of my pups then she will be a far more convincing salesman to her parents then I ever could. It’s all about finding your market and then creating the perfect strategy to get them to notice you.

This same strategy applies no matter your product. You have to be creative in how you get people to pay attention to your sales. I could take my pups and walk them around asking every adult I see if they would be interested in buying a puppy, but that’s not at all creative and will honestly annoy my desired market more then interest them in buying. If you look at my way of marketing I spend hardly any time with my targeted customer. 90% of my conversations and attention go to entertaining kids. It usually looks like a petting zoo and not an actual business, but I’m telling you it works. If you want to sell your product, first determine who your customers are and then find a way to get your product in their hands in a way that no one else can.

With your product available and your strategy for getting the attention of your desired market, you will have the necessities in place for potential sells. Whether you’re selling cars, a personal skill, or creation of your own, the ability to get that product in front of the right person will be the difference between For Sale and Sold.

Who Are You?

Who are you? It’s a simple question but a difficult one to answer. How can we know who we are? Do we look to ourselves for this personal definition or should we look outward to determine our identity? What should we consider to be the truth about ourselves? What about the negativity of degrading messages that hit us on a daily bases? How can we know who we truly are?

For me, as a follower of Christ, this question is not only a simple question but it is also an easy one to answer. You see before I came to know my Lord and Savior I had to ask myself the above questions. I would have to wonder if what others said about me and what I thought of myself was the truth. With so many options, mostly being negative, what would I believe?

Now that I am a new creature in Christ though, I no longer live by these opinions of the world, because I am no longer of the world. Instead, I find my identity in who God says I am to Him.

On days when I feel lost and began to look at myself once again through the eyes of others, this question of who I am can crush my very soul. At times like this, I turn to the one place where I know I can always find the truth; God’s word.

Recently I was given an opportunity to participate in the power of claiming your identity and worth by seeing yourself as God sees you. This experience has inspired me to do a bit of studying for myself on who I am to God. My hope and prayer is that you too would see yourself through the eyes of your Loving Father and be encouraged by who He sees you as.

When I consider my lack of ability to earn God’s forgiveness and my apparent worthlessness, I must remember that it is not by my works that I am saved but by the grace of Jesus Christ, which I can never earn (Eph 2:8). With this understanding, I can see that my worth comes from who I am in Christ and not what I have done.

In Christ, I am Justified and Redeemed (Rom 3:24). My old self, who I once was and what I once did, is crucified with Christ (Rom 6:6). I am a new creature, my old self no longer has control over me nor determines who I am (2 Cor 5:17). I am set free (Rom 8:2). I will never be condemned for what I have done, nor for my short comes even now (Rom 8:1). Before God, I am blameless (Eph 1:4). I do not have to (nor could I ever) earn this freedom, it is a gift (Eph 2:8).

In Christ, I am blessed to a degree I can bearly fathom (Eph 1:3). Wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption are given to me (1 Cor 1:30). By salvation, the righteousness of Christ has been placed on me (2 Cor 5:21). I have been given a family and place in the body of Christ (Gal 3:28). I have access to enter into the presence of God (Eph 3:12). I have been given the ability to draw near to God, and He desires for me to be close (Eph 2:13). I am no longer a slave of my old flesh for I have been given the ability to controls my heart and mind. (Phil 4:7). I can have complete trust in God because He promises to fulfill all my needs (Phil 14:19).

I am a child of the Most High (John 1:12, Gal 4:7). To Christ, I am a friend (John 15:15). Through the gift of salvation, I can have assurance in eternity as I am a citizen of heaven (Phil 3:20). From the beginning of time, God predestined/chose that He would bring to me the gift of salvation and it was His will that I come to know Him (Eph 1:11, John 15:16). I am whole and complete in Christ, lacking in nothing (Col 2:10). I am hidden in Christ and He has become my life (Col 3:3-4).

I am called to be a saint (1 Cor 1:2). A light to the world meant to shine the love of Christ in the darkness (Eph 5:8). I am meant to reach the world with the good news of salvation by grace (Mark 16:15).

As we see who we are in Christ and His love for us, we must remember that this identy is not one that we are meant to keep to ourselves. The love given to us by God should fill us to such a degree that we overflow with love for everyone in our life. Cherish who you are, as the precious apple of God’s eye, but don’t keep it trapped inside. Let the world know who you are, show them who they are to you, so that they may come to know who they too can be in Christ.

Silence, Anger, or Love

A respected slave owner who silently appalled the very trade in which he partook in, yet deemed any stance against this tide of the times as futile; a born and raised Northern woman who held strong to her beliefs and her faith, using the later to justify her opinions, proclaimed her hatred for any lithium person who would participate in this work of the devil; and a young heir to his father’s estate who had to choose what would be done with his newly acquired slaves and his own opinions on the matter. Three characters, each from Harriet Stowe’s classic Uncle Tom’s Cabin, still ring aloud truth for the rights of those today.

In the twenty-first century, we are no longer faced with the choice of standing for slavery or freedom, for our forefathers have already won this battle on which many a brave man laid down his life. The horrifying injustice that we face today is not of whether a life deserves to live free but instead whether a life deserves to live at all. According to CDC, over 600,000 abortions were performed in 2014 alone. Before you throw this paper away deeming it as a pro-life or pro-choice hate article, allow me to share my perspective on the matter.

Just as years before, our nation is divided on the differing of options on the right for an individual to choose. In many ways, slavery and abortion are much the same. The case was often presented by slave-owning defenders that slaves were better off as slaves then they would be on their own with freedom. Is this not what we are saying today when we determine that the quality of a child’s life would appear to be less than ideal, due to life circumstances or even physical conditions, and thus justify our actions in taking its life?

There is no question in my mind on whether abortion is justified or not, but that is not what I wish to speak about today. I am not writing in hopes of convincing someone to value the life of an unborn child. I am writing to those who already do but are doing little more than making matters worse. Any individual who would dare to cast judgment on a woman who has undertaken an abortion should have their right to speak on the matter taken away forever. Having an abortion is not a choice that is made lightly and by no means has no repercussions. This procedure is devastating to say the least, for both parties involved. According to studies presented by After Abortion.org, a woman who undergoes an abortion is six times more likely to commit suicide and that suicide is the leading cause of death in woman up to 365 days following their abortion. This tears at my very soul. How can we stand by as these women who feel trapped in a situation that they believe to have only one way out, now are plunged with guilt and rejection to such degree that they would take their own lives?

So what am I suggesting? It may sound as if I myself am taking the position of the silent slave owner, not wanting to stand agest the tide of wrong that sweeps our nation. But this is not at all what I mean. Silents is not the answer, but neither is proclaiming our disapproval through anger.

In the story of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, there were three characters who stood out to me for their stance on slavery. Augustine St. Clare, the silent slave owner; Miss Ophelia, the outraged northern Christian woman; and George Shelby a young man who found himself in possession of a cotton plantation and the soul enslaved thereon.

Augustine St. Clare truly appalled slavery, yet when confronted as to why he did nothing to put a stop to it he replied that there was nothing he could do. In his silence lives were destroyed and souls were lost.

Miss Ophelia’s outrage toward those who worked the devil’s trade, as she saw it, brought absolutely no aid to those bound by slavery. Up upon her soapbox of righteousness, she had not the time nor the desire to actually reach down to help the poor enslaved. Her opinions and constantly outstretched finger of judgment kept her ever to busy to reach out a hand of comfort to any a soul in need.

Yet between these two extremes, a young man who inherited his father’s cotton plantation chose to focus not on slavery but instead the enslaved. By freeing his slaves, George Shelby did indeed put a stop to slavery in his case, but that wasn’t enough. You see, putting a stop to a wrong is useless if we ignore the reason that such corruption came about in the first place. Freeing his slaves didn’t mean that they could then live freely, it just meant that they were no longer slaves. To live free George had to provide the means for these men and women to learn how to live in the white man’s world and to provide for themselves. We must do the same.

Sir George made a difference by providing a way for all men to live free, from both slavery and guilt. Yet he did this completely out of love….. for both slave and slave owner. We must do the same. We must provide ways for these defenseless infants to be protected from a system, not a person, who seeks to take their very right to live. We must create programs to care for these children, from inside the womb to birth and provide for them once brought into this world. Yet at the same time, we must also care for those who see this path as their only way out. Perhaps if the obstacles and judgments that come from having a child were removed, then our society might be able to see the value of life instead of the coast. Putting a stop to abortion by making it illegal will not suddenly make the life of an unborn child valued. But, making an unborn child’s life valuable, by also valuing the life of the mother, will put a stop to abortion.

There is definitely a reason this book is a classic and I encourage you to take the time (with a box of tissues in hand) and read this heartwrenching but moving story of Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

An Affective Attitude

The pursuit of happiness and the betterment of society. These are both admirable and desirable ambitions for life, yet can appear to be daunting and even impossible at times. How could someone in a suppressing circumstance ever reach a place of happiness in their life? How can one better their society when they themselves are trapped by its prejudices and inequality? The answer is obvious; they can’t.

How one views their life will determine what they will make of it. When an individual sees themselves as a victim of their circumstances, they will be unable to find joy or the ability to impact the lives of others. The only way that one can go about obtaining such a fulfilled life is through that of gratefulness. Yes, gratefulness. This one trait is the most powerful weapon one can wield in changing the world.

Where ingratitude brings about the feeling of victimization, unhappiness, and anger; gratitude brings about joy and the desire to help others. This is the truth revealed in Charles Dicken’s classic, Great Expectations. The life struggles between that of self-pity and gratitude are clearly addressed in this tale of a young man caught between the world he desires and believes he is owed, and that of the life he finds himself trapped within. Through these pages, we as the reader may be wise to take heed the lesson of a young man and his pursuit for great expectations.

The main character in our tale is a young man by the name of Pip. Throughout his life, he is continually faced with two character traits; Self-pity vs. Gratefulness, which present themselves in many obstacles and choices.

Being raised as an orphan by his cruel sister, and being of an exceedingly low income, Pip finds himself longing for a better way of life. At this young age, the wich like Miss Hamshire, intangles the poor boy in her snare. Consumed by her own self-pity, this woman conveniences Pip that it is the fault of his upbringing, his position in society, and his robbed opportunities, that he is unable to find happiness.

With this new outlook, Pip transforms himself into a victim of his own life. The circumstances he finds himself in are now beyond his power to rise above; after all, they are the fault of his surroundings and therefore exceeds his own power to change. Every opportunity to enjoy life’s little moments now became nothing more than a reminder of the life he seemingly deserved yet didn’t have. The few people in his life who truly loved and cared for him were now vexing obstacles in his way that only dragged him down to their level of living; a level far below what he rightfully deserved.

It is in this state that our star fixed himself within and so remained, ever awaiting the day when his great expectations would be fulfilled.

Hidden deep beneath this gloom and despair though, burned the slightest glims of a flame, fueled by a single man’s optimism. While Pip swallowed himself in his bleak outlook on life, his guardian, Joe the blacksmith, seemed to always see his life as half full. Though he found himself confined within the same lifestyle as Pip, this jolly old chap never allowed his circumstances to determine his attitude. Valuing everything in his life, be as little as it may, Joe saw every day as a gift and every person as a treasure to value; even his downhearted adopted son. Above all else in his life, Joe loved Pip, who to him was more than a son but a friend. Yet this friendship eventually brought bitter pain.

The day of Pip’s liberation from the life he so despised came with a coast, which to one person was very dear. Being adopted by an unknown rich ire, Pip had to choose whether he would follow his desires or hold to those who truly cared for him. The choice was an easy one for Pip, who left his home without looking back. To Joe though, this choice tore at his very heart; yet he never let it show. Without a moment hesitation, the loving guardian gave up his son and dearest friend, rejoicing in the lad’s great fortune.

The funny thing about ingratitude is that it doesn’t matter what you have in life; it will never be enough. This is exactly the scenario Pip found himself in. Though he had all the riches he could dream of and the opportunities that had been withheld from him for so many years; the empty feeling of being used and neglected could never be filled. That is until our star discovered a truth that had been freely given to him all along. In the act of selflessly risking his all for the life of another, Pip discovered that the only things in his life that truly mattered were those that he had earned himself through hard work and character.

In the end, it wasn’t life that had robbed him of his joy, it was himself. With this new found truth, our now hero found his way back to the love of those who had always cared for him and discovered the power he had within himself to break the chains of self-pity that he himself had forged.

Victim. This is a term that is all to often heard today, especially in our media reports. Don’t get me wrong, I completely believe that there are people who are being taken advantage of. But my question that I present to you is, what are we the victims of? Are we truly trapped within in an inescapable cell, or are we holding ourselves down? This is not to say that we should not try to improve our society. Not at all. Bettering our society is one of the two goals that I heald as admirable from the very beginning of this post. The key though to being able to truly change our circumstances is not in changing our society but in changing ourselves. If we blame our life problems and injustices on the world then we will never find a solution, for a world is an object and numbers measuring the billions; only people can make a change. The way we change our circumstances is by first starting with ourselves. It is an undeniable truth that grateful people are happy people and that happy people are the ones who help others. This is just how the world works. Unhappy people make life miserable and happy people make a difference.

So, maybe it’s time we stopped waiting for the world to change our lives for the better, and we decided to change ourselves for the betterment of this world.

Along with the inspiration from Charles Dicken’s book Great Expectationsions, I’d like to give a shout out to Prager U and their video on The Key to Unhappiness -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxmORnnP3WI

Wake up women and smell the Cologne

Have you ever wondered why the scent of men’s cologne is so much stronger than most woman’s perfume? Could it be because men are just naturally stinkier than us woman or perhaps it’s because they wish to skip on having to take a shower? Both of these answers have much truth in them yet I believe that there could possibly be a deeper reason. By nature, we as humans are self-centered and find it quite difficult to see the needs of those in our lives, even when we care deeply for them. As women, I believe that we may fall victim to this default even more so than our counterparts. This is not to say that men do not fall under this category as well, for they most definitely do. By nature, we as women wish to be cared for and loved to a deeper degree than most men do. For this reason, I believe that we all to often allow our own wishes to be cared for and seen, blind us from seeing the needs of our man. Perhaps this is the true reasoning behind such strongly scented cologne; to catch the attention of us woman. So ladies, let’s wake up and smell the cologne, shall we.

In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals the deepest desires of a man’s heart. This list of 7 intimate longings are direct quotes from men themselves and a few of them might just surprise you.

First, Respect. When asked which they would rather have, men, choose respect over love nearly every time. Now to us women, this may feel like a stab through the heart. That our man would rather be respected than loved paints a picture in our minds of our husbands choosing us in a bowing position over us being in his arms. Yet nothing could be farther from the truth. To a man, respect and love are one in the same. Respecting your man does not mean you bring your own self-worth low, it simply means showing him how much he is worth to you. If your man feels as if you disrespect him or see him as inferior, then he will feel unloved. You have the power to build your man up by how you treat him and speak to him. By simply not questioning his judgment on every little thing, by believing in his ability to accomplish the task laid before him, never allowing yourself to criticize through harsh comments, and most certainly never ever under any condition allow yourself to run him down in public. These are all ways that you can show respect to your husband. Yet perhaps the greatest way to show your love is choosing to trust him no matter what may come, even if everyone around you seems to say you shouldn’t. Always assume the best of your man. Be the woman who stands by her man.

Secondly, build him up. Just as I stated in the above paragraph, you have the power to build your man up by how you treat him and speak to him. Your man feels as if every day he must face a world that for the most part believes he will fail and is waiting for him to do so. Often he feels completely alone in a battle for his life. Though every other person around may be against him, you have the power to strengthen your husband to the point that he feels untouchable. As long as he knows that you believe in him and that no matter what, you are by his side, your husband can take on the world. Yet with this power you possess as his loving wife, you also have the ability to destroy him. If he feels that you do not believe in him and see him as inadequate, then you will crush him and drive him to find his encouragement elsewhere. Behind every good man is a woman who believes in him.

Third, your man needs to provide. It is programmed into every living man to go out and provide for those he loves. If you take this form him or believe that he is unable to accomplish this task, then you are stealing his ability to feel like a man. If a man is not caring for his family because his wife has taken the responsibility or because she is constantly nagging him and he, therefore, sees no chance of him ever being enough; he will wither into a lesser of a man because to his way of thinking, that is exactly what he is. There is nothing wrong with a woman working. Read Prov 31; she worked! But the job of being the main provider for the family is a task that not only should be fulfilled by the man of the house but also one that he greatly needs.

Fourth, sex. Being a single woman, I can not give any personal insight in this matter, unlike the previous areas in which I have seen through relationships with my male friends. However, though I have not experienced this myself, I have seen the before and after effects. By fulfilling this need for your man you offer him two priceless gifts. The first is of desire. Your husbands long for you to desire him in this way. Knowing that he turns you on and that you long to be with him, just you and him, makes him feel worth more than anything else you could say or do for him. The second is that it gives him confidence in every other area of his life. A man who feels complete and loved by his wife will have an unquenchable drive and confidence to take on any obstacle life throws at him. Sex is so much more than physical intercourse. It is true intimacy.

Fith, how he sees the world. We as women must understand that we see the world much differently than men do. They see everything. Meaning they are extremely visual. This mean, hold on women is about to get uncomfortable. This means they see every woman. This is a constant fight within every man to control his thoughts and it is a fight that we can help him win. First, we must understand them. Once we see that this is not his way of searching out a better product, making us feel unwanted and inferior to every other woman that walks by, then we can actually see that he is not searching but is simply seeing. A woman who becomes angry at her husband is not helping him with his struggle; she is making it worse. Once we understand, we must distract. Your husband is fighting to keep his mind on you, so help him. By letting him know that he is desired and respected by you and by showing that through your words and actions, then you are giving him no reason to wonder. This is not to say that he will never look at another woman again. Remember, this is a fight within him. Yet just as with every obstacle in your lives together, you are there to help him through this life and be by his side.

Sixth, romance. If you have had any kind of interaction with guys you will know that romance is not their strong suit. In fact, most guys will admit that they feel very nervous and clumsy when it comes to their attempts at showing their love. With this said, lots of times a man’s fear of messing up in this area will keep him from trying, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. Every man in love wants to sweep his woman off her feet and have her fall madly in love with him over and over again. Here is where we can help. Women, we need to recognize the little things, the smallest attempts, and cherish even the mess ups. When your man does step out of his comfort zone and takes a chance on looking like a fool, we need to let him know that it means the world to us. Even if he feels like a clown to the whole world, as long as we show that in our eyes he’s a Romeo, he will do whatever it takes to be our romantic man.

Finally, number seven. What you think about…… yourself. This is a huge one. Our men want us to care about ourselves and to show that. Now, I am not by means saying that he expects you to be a size 3 and wear bikinis everywhere you go. What it means is having confidence in yourself and showing that through every aspect of your life. Just as the things that we say have the power to build our husband’s confidence, showing our own self-confidence also builds his own. Having a wife that brings him pride will give your husband the greatest bragging right ever given to man. And what wife doesn’t want her husband to brag on her.

With these seven tools to better understanding our men, we woman can not only get along with this strangely deranged species know as a man, but we can actually help them reach their greatest potential and who God created them to be.

At the end of her book, Shaunti asked men what is the one thing they would want to tell their wives. Out of the seven things that men desire listed above, almost every answer was the same. I love her. Our men, more than anything else want us to know that they truly love us no matter what. Even if they don’t know how to express themselves to us or show their love, they truly do love us with all of their heart. So, ladies, let’s stop trying to change our men into who we think they should be and instead start understanding who they are and helping them become who they were meant to be. Let’s wake up and smell the cologne.

Like this post? I strongly recommend every woman read Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only.

Cheers to a New Year

As the chapter of this last year closes and the unknown adventures of 2019 appear, I thought it only appropriate to take a moment and say goodbye, hello, and I’ll see you soon.

“Goodbyes” only hurt when there is something left undone. 2018 was truly a gift. It brought opportunities to improve, challenges for growing, and closer unity with friends and loved ones. But… could there have been more? What if every moment had been used to its fullest potential and every opportunity grasped without fear. As we say goodbye to 2018 my hope for you is that you can proudly say “I made a difference this year” but also “I can do so much more”.

“Hello” can be frightening. When introducing yourself in this new year what will you say? “Hello my name is _______ and I ___________ with my life.” Fear comes from uncertainly and uncertainty comes form not knowing where you should be. Thankfully each and everyone of us can know exactly where we are meant to be. In this very moment, and in every one to come, we are meant to be here making a difference. Therefore, my hope for you in 2019 is that you live in the moment and change the world with the time you have.

“See you soon” brings hope for what awaits us in our future, but what happens if that future blocks our view of now? To 2020, 2021, and so, I say “see you soon, but not till I’ve accomplished my mission here and now”. My hope for you is that you do the same and face the future with hope but only because of the excitement of what today has to offer.

You only have one life to live, but in that life you have the power to change the lives of others and effect eternity. Remember, what you do today can be used two ways. 1, on things that are bound by time and wither away. Or 2, those that last, well forever.

So raise a glass of champagne (or bubbling fruit juice). Here’s to 2019. Here’s to eternity.

What to Aim for in a New Year

It’s that time of year when we look back on the past 364 days and craft a plan to make the next 365 more productive, successful, and fulfilling. Your New Year’s resolutions (and the following through of these resolutions) are in a way the arrows that we shoot forth into the unknown future in hopes of hitting our desired outcome. The only problem with resolutions is that they are simply arrows, simply yours desires in motion. A hunter with mere arrows is bound to fail without a bow the launch his weapons and a target to aim true. Without your bow and target, you too will be nothing more than a well-intentioned fool thrusting your arrow into the air by your own power and without a purpose. If you truly desire to rise victor over 2019 then you, my friend, must furnish your bow and determine your target.

A Christmas tradition around my place is to watch It’s A Wonderful Life at least once before Christmas Eve. What I love most about this dear story is that it holds such great truth for not only the holiday season but the entire year round. George Bailey is granted the priceless gift of discovering what the world would be like without him. Up to this point though, our star had spent his life chasing after that next big shot. He dreamed of a big house, new car, and all the luxuries money could by. All this change though when he realized that what he had in his family, friends, and his ability to help others was of far greater value.

What are you chasing after? Perhaps an expensive college degree, then an elaborate house, fancy cars, and a family with children who go on to accomplish the same success? The problem with this dream is that it is attempting to fulfill your life desires with things only money can buy. If you aim for this kind of life then your year will be focused on making that next buck so you can reach your point of happiness. I have a better alternative for you.

What if your goals for the next year (and all of life for that matter) were focused on your morals, ethics, and admired traits. For example; what if your goal was to be independent, instead of simply aiming to earn a certain dollar sign? What if you said that your desire was to live a simple relaxing life that still portrays class, instead of a certain kind of car modal. What if you decided that the ability to spend time with family and friends was of utmost importance, instead of a certain number of zeros in your checking account? If these were the kind of goals that you set then two things would be different. One, you would find satisfaction in the priceless things that money can never buy. And two, you would make chooses that improved your way of life, not just your financial status. When coming to a decision, you would look at it from the perspective of how it might impact your lifestyle instead of measuring it simply by its price tag. In many cases, you will likely choose the path that leads to greater financial security but you will have come to that conclusion because it best improves your life and not your bank account. Aim for a way of life, now a dollar sign. This is your target.

With your target in sight and your arrows ready, you are now only lacking one thing. The power to get from where you are to where you want to be.

There is an enormous gorge called “I need money to survive” that stands between you and your dream life. In order to cross over this canyon, you will need a power strong enough to thrust you to the other side; and that power is “value”. No matter what situation you may be in and no matter the economy, if you have a skill that creates value for others then you will be able to create financial security for yourself. The way to go about creating value is to first choose a career path and then become the best at what you do. One way of going about this is to improve your abilities in your chosen field by mastering skills that are valued in any filed.

First would be your interpersonal skills. Become a leader in your workplace by improving your public speaking skills, your ability to envision the future, market yourself, teach others, create unity, and open yourself up to new ideas. No matter what your career title may be, the ability to lead is a skill that will set you apart as someone who crates above and beyond value.

Second would be your ability to express yourself through creativity. The ability to express your ideas, beliefs, and opinions to others through writing, speaking, and designs, along with the ability to take in others ideas, beliefs and opinions, are skills that will allow you present yourself and your product in the very best light.

Third would be your ability to analyze situations and create plans. If you have the skill set to be able to analyze a situation, chart out each procedure, and then eliminate any unnecessary steps, you will be able to improve not only areas in your workplace but also your entire life.

Last would be your willpower and self-control. Exercising self-control when it comes to any form of indulgence, from food, alcohol, physical fitness, or activities that bring pleasure will vastly improve your ability to effectively make a difference in your workplace. You only have one body and one life, take care of them and treat them with respect.

With your target in your sights and the power of value to launch your dreams into reality, you can now face this new year and every year to follow with full confidence and certainty in your future. By investing your time, money, and abilities in improving yourself and your lifestyle, you will be banking on the only thing you have complete control over; yourself. So charge this New Year with the desire to live your life for a purpose and not a dollar sign.

A huge shout out to this weeks inspiration, The Last Safe Investment by Bryan Franklin and Michael Ellsnerg, and to Praxis for including this book in their reading material. If you are interested in learning more about enhancing your ability to create value and improve your way of life, I strongly recommend this book as well as the Praxis Program.

Disney Dating

Once upon a time, in a land that doesn’t exist, a young maiden finds herself locked in a far away tower, awaiting the arrival of her Prince Charming. The years roll by but this maiden never wavered in her faith of this unknown man of her dreams. The day finally arrives, as she looks out her balcony to see her rescuer. He storms the castle slays the dragon and takes her into his arm. After “loves true kiss”, the two ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after….. The perfect love story (dreamy sigh)

Are you kidding me? This isn’t a love story. This is an insecure, needy girl being kidnapped by some creep who knows nothing about her other than her helpless state. Sure it makes a great bedtime story for children, unaware of the real world, but there has to be a point where we grow up. So many women are basing their standards for men and their desire for romance and marriage on Disney movies and chick-flicks. Let’s get real shall we? Snow White was a hobo taken in by seven slobby men; Cinderella was a spineless, self-promising slave; and Rapunzel was a hostage who flung herself at the first ruffian who broke into her tower. The only thing these young women have in common is their unwillingness to take control of their own lives and, their blind faith in any member of the male species.

Growing up in the “Christian, Homeschool” community, I have heard the “wait for the ONE” sermon my entire life. I like to call this notion, Disney Dating. Women such as Rebekah who waited for God to bring her the “ONE”, and Ruth who stayed with Naomi until the day Boaz chose her as his own, have been the biblical examples of how to go about pursuing a relationship with the opposite gender. “God has a special person for you”, “don’t go looking for yourself,” “have faith and be patient.”

I am now almost 20-years-old and during that time I have discovered a vital truth for all women….. God is NOT going to bring you a man! In fact, there is only one story in the entire Bible where God brings a woman to a man, and that was only because Adam and Eve had no other options. So sure, if the entire earth’s population consisted of only one guy and one girl, then by all means wait. But since there are a few more options today then there were back then, perhaps we should look to more relatable examples.

What about Rebekah though? Didn’t she wait for God to show her to Isaac? Absolutely not. Rebekah was a hard-working woman who was looking for the next opportunity for her to improve herself. Having the duty of caring for her father’s flock meant that this woman had shown herself capable and trustworthy in the agriculture field.

One day as she was working, a man came to her and asked for water. Now catch this. She didn’t run off and hide; she saw a need and she fixed it. In fact, she went above and beyond his request. After making sure that this man had enough to drink for himself, she turned and cared for his livestock. It says in Gen 24 that the servant wondered at her. Not in her beauty from afar off, but in her ability and eagerness to serve. Guess what, if Rebekah had been home waiting for her one true love to come instead of proving herself as a hard worker, she would have never been offered the opportunity to even meet Isaac. And get this; when all was said and done and the servant had decided that this maiden was indeed a woman worthy of his master, Rebecah was the one who chose to go and meet Issac. She was the one who called the shots. I know right, you don’t hear that in many Christian dating books.

What about Ruth though? I mean there is a woman who concerned herself completely with staying home and shutting out any desire to interact with men.

It is true that Ruth did choose to go with Naomi and gave up her community and family, but she did not by any means hide from the outside world. Once arriving in Bethlehem Ruth immediately found a job where she could provide for herself and Naomi. On top of that, when seeking a means of work, Ruth chose to go gather in the field of Boaz; catch this, so that she could find favor in his sight. She went to work for him so that she could meet him and hopefully catch his eye. Once she had accomplished this task, she went even a step further and actually revealed her desire for him. By uncovering his feet Ruth was, in fact, proposing to Boaz. Now there’s a girl who doesn’t wait around.

So to sum it up; Rebecah was a respected businesswoman who spent her days finding ways to help others and wasn’t afraid of hard work. Also, she made herself available so that she could prove herself through actions while also having a mind of her own and trusted her own judgment. Ruth found the means to provide for herself and Naomi while choosing to work in the field of an honorable man in hopes of gaining his attention. Then once this man’s character was revealed to her, she didn’t wait around but instead trusted her judgment and showed her desire for a relationship with him.

I don’t know about you but the message that I gather from these examples is that women should be dedicating more of their energy and time to providing for themselves and serving others then they should on waiting around for marriage and for their lives to finally begin. Also, when it comes to interactions with the opposite gender, women should be confident and put themselves in a place to showcase their hard work and abilities while also discovering the true character of a man.

I am about to state a belief that might just blow the socks of a few people but here it goes. I do not believe that there is one person out there for you. I believe that if you live a life where you are striving to become more like Christ and you surround yourself with others who are doing the same, then by all mean just choose someone. You have a race to run and if some guy happens to be running the same direction and can keep up with you then why not run together.

This is my heart’s desire and my plea to you. Stop putting your life on hold and stop expecting that some guy is going to one day save you. You are already saved by your One True Love, Jesus Christ, and He has a mission for you to fulfill. So get up off your sofa, turn off the Note Book, and make a difference. Become a woman that a man would actually want to have in his life. Or else you might just wind up with what you wish for; 7 slobby men, endless house cleaning, and really long, messy hair.

For more insight on this topic, I strongly recommend Mark Gungor and Jefferson Bethke teachings on dating.